Benandonner's Story

The Irish giant Finn McCool and the Scottish giant Benandonner decided they should get together and wrestle to see who was stronger. Travel arrangements for the match involved the construction of a land bridge between their two islands; obviously. Yet, when Finn saw Benandonner coming he realized the Scot was more giant than expected, so he ran home and climbed into the crib.

A short while later, Benandonner arrived at Finn’s house and knocked on the door. When Lady McCool answered the door Benandonner bellowed, “Where’s Finn McCool? We’re gonna wrestle!”

“Oh, Finn’s not here right now. It’s just me here with the baby,” she replied, gesturing towards the crib.

Well, when Benandonner saw the size of Finn McCool’s baby, he turned and dashed back to Scotland smashing the bridge behind him leaving nothing of it besides the matching shores of piled rocks on each island. 

After that, Benandonner ended up on the Giant Jones Scotch Ale label!

Art by Zac Vinson